This week in international politics may go down as the game that changed the momentum of the world, thanks to an eloquent former goalie finally dropping the gloves.
Amidst the World Economic Forum in Switzerland, where political and economic leaders gathered for what is often little more than an elitist “fiscal update”, Canadian PM, former head of the Bank of Canada and The Bank of England, and former hockey goalie, Mark Carney, fought BACK against the goons of the World’s “super powers” team. And although he didn’t mention any of them by name, everyone knew exactly which goon was receiving the brunt of his blocker-shaped blows.
In his already infamous address Carney talked about fighting back and to stop just hoping that “compliance will buy safety”. He heavily referenced an essay called “the power of the powerless” by Czech dissident, poet and first president of the Czech Republic Václav Havel and he called on all the leaders of the world’s middle powers to band together against our would-be oppressors.
The speech was quickly circulated around the world, regarded by many as one of, if not THE most effective speech ever given by a Canadian Prime Minister and, of course, raised the ire of the American President whose name I shall not mention, who figured out it was about him. Which is not surprising, because the holder of the world’s first gold-covered chocolate medallion issued by a soccer organization, thinks EVERYTHING is about him.
Of course the goon fired back the next day. And of course it was as eloquent as if someone had put a suit and oversized tie on an ape, then told him to fling whatever words came into their head as they would their own feces at the zoo. Insults were thrown at the very territory he is currently vowing to acquire, at the European leaders in the room, and even at the very country in which the meeting was being held, Switzerland. The weirdest tangent to me personally was going off on a diatribe about the taxes Americans pay on Swiss watches, which apparently are single-handedly keeping Switzerland afloat? This last affront might have stung the most since, while Swiss watches are nice and certainly expensive, they are nothing compared to Swiss chocolate, Swiss cheese, and the glorious combination of the two in what is undoubtedly the most delicious Swiss contribution to culinary cuisine: Fondue. Which was particularly strange to me, because he appears to have eaten enough melted cheese in his life it has actually changed the colour of his skin to an aged cheddar.
He also made a snide and of course puerile remark that if it weren’t for American forces in World War 2, “everyone here would be speaking German with maybe a little bit of Japanese”. It was quickly pointed out by various observers that German IS the most spoken language in Switzerland. But honestly, that didn’t even make the top 10 of the stupidest things he said that day.
Since the two speeches (well, the one speech, and the other 1 hour and 18 minute meander through a muddled mind) the world has weighed in. European leaders are meeting to set up a truly united front against American aggression. UN troops are mobilizing to protect Denmark from any “anonymous” hostile aggressors. And our Prime Minister was “uninvited” to join the newly formed “Board of Peace”, which, with the inclusion of leaders who can’t travel internationally for fear of being arrested for war crimes, is the most ironically named organization since Alanis Morissette had 10,000 spoons, when all she needed was a knife.
Now, as powerful as our PM’s speech was, words are still just words. The real test for the real world now comes with the actions that follow. It requires powerful courage from people, who, when banded together, are indeed more powerful than any one bully or any bully and his, or her (but in this case, very clearly HIS) hangers on. It’s not like all of America is bad. The world needs the good people of America to see through the small band of bullies and unite to take them down. In the meantime, it’s up to the rest of the world to band together.
Because we can’t always depend on a goalie to make all the stops for us. But when your goalie goes on the offensive, it’s time for the rest of us to stand up and join in the fight.